Fortunately, life goes up and down. If everything were only always going well, then life could also be a bit boring. Then the beautiful moments would also be less noticeable. I prefer to see life as a wave motion. What goes up, must come down. And how do I deal with it, that's what I can influence. When you first have to deal with your darkness for the first time, it can be quite overwhelming, especially when the contrast is so great with a previously quite carefree life.
This happened to me, several years ago because I didn't know that side of myself at all, so it shocked me quite a bit and I had the greatest difficulty, just being with myself, during this descent. I call it a descent because I simply wasn't going up. I didn't have the strength for it anymore. Women sometimes go through such a descent several times in their lives when a certain role, such as that of a daughter, a mother, or a love partner comes to an end.
The situation changes such that the woman can no longer reconcile herself with the identity she had made her own and falls into a 'gap' A life-threatening illness, an accident, or a move to an unfamiliar area can also give her self-confidence a major blow. She experiences the loss of identity, the loss of a familiar role, and the anxiety that accompanies this loss when she no longer feels useful. The search begins for a new interpretation of her life, but is she willing and able to let go of the old?
Women find the way back to themselves not by seeking the light above and outside as perhaps men can do, but rather by going down into the depths of the ground of their being. A woman goes into the depths to find parts of herself again, and this may involve voluntary seclusion. For her friends and family, this can be difficult to witness because they do not always understand her process, but they can trust that an essential development is taking place within her. And ultimately, she will have to do it herself. Invariably, the process of descent makes a woman stronger and creates clarity in her idea of who she is. What will be left of me if I no longer fulfill that role? Am I still worthwhile then? Who am I and can I be there even if I don't make myself as useful as I used to?
Until she gets a new fulfillment in her life, the place is drab. For me, it helped to keep moving though, no matter how I felt. The days I didn't leave my room were by far the most horrible. I often went biking without really going anywhere, but by being in the woods I felt that that day had already served a purpose. Nature is healing and appealed to something 'wise' in me and later I started working in a garden so that I could spend even more hours in nature and also earn a little on the side. With small steps, I felt an excitement for life coming back and some days it was completely gone again as well. I didn't talk much about it because I knew that what gets attention gets bigger. I kept trusting that this represented a period in my life that would also pass by.
Because, what goes down, must go up as well
